INSTANT RUNOFF VOTING EXPLAINED

1. Instant-runoff voting (IRV) (also known as the Alternative Vote (AV) and by several other names) is an electoral system used for single winner elections in which voters rank candidates in order of preference.


Ineffective

-Hello, would you like to help us out today?

-People, people a moment of your time...

-Can I interest you in voter reform?

-We have a petition here...

-Thanks for coming out today, we’re trying to get something on the ballot...

-Mom, mom!


Effective

-Hey, do you want to sign something?



2. In an IRV election, if no candidate receives an overall majority of first preferences the candidates with fewest votes are eliminated one by one, and their votes transferred according to their second and third preferences (and so on), until one candidate achieves a majority.


-Dinosaurs, bring back the dinosaurs.

-What are you talking about?

-Dinosaurs, we have a petition to put an initiative to bring back the dinosaurs on the ballot.

-I don’t understand

-Bring the dinosaurs back to life, you know, like in Jurassic Park.

-Can we do that?

-Well, we need signatures

-No, I mean do we know how to do that, like cloning and stuff?

-This isn’t about cloning. It’s about dinosaurs. You know, tyrannosaurus, brontosaurus, mechasaurus...

-Why?

-The question is not why, but when -and the answer is, a long, long time ago. And that’s the wrong answer. The right answer is today, yesterday and tomorrow. Possibly forever. We want to bring them back.

-Yeah, but you’re going to like, clone them, right?

-This isn’t about cloning. I said that already.

-Well, where are we going to get the dinosaurs?

-I’m glad you asked that question. There are no easy answers when it comes to bringing back the dinosaurs. But that does not mean we should be afraid to vote our consciences and bring back the dinosaurs.

-That doesn’t answer my question.

-Well, they could be living on an island somewhere. Or a lake. Some say that Loch Ness....

-Yes, but in what sense would we be bringing them back?

-Well, yes, but I’m getting to that, see because this is not really about clones, islands or time machines -no wait, -it is about time machines...

-What?

-We’re bringing the dinosaurs back, right? From where? Answer: the past. Not clones, or fake dinosaurs, but real historical dinosaurs from actual history...

-So, like, with a time machine?

-So, right, so this is also a time machine initiative, but that’s really complicated. So we focus on dinosaurs which everyone likes and can relate to.

-Everyone?

-Well, I thought the movie was cool. I mean, it was the biggest grossing movie of all time and I think the book did pretty good...

-What, The Time Machine?

-No, Jurassic Park. I mean, that’s like a mandate if there ever was one.

-That was a movie.

-Well, first it was a book.

-A book of fiction.

-Right, so if people are lining up around the corner to see dinosaurs that aren’t even real -or are like fake clones or something, how do you think they’ll react to actual historical dinosaurs that are part of our nation’s history?

-So real American dinosaurs?

-Yes, exactly. I’ve tried to communicate this in this poster, which I drew to the best of my ability and this hat I am wearing with the dinosaur on it and my shirt with the American flag.

-Oh, right.

-I also have a hat with an American flag and a shirt with a dinosaur, but I felt that this being election day ...We want to emphasize that these are American dinosaurs and so, like, we have both dinosaurs and time travel, so they can, like, travel through American history.

-The dinosaurs?

-Right, right, I mean there’s a lot in this bill, for everybody, big business, little business, working families, firemen, dinosaurs, dinosaur hunters, cavemen...

-Cavemen?

-Well, as we all know, dinosaurs and cavemen never met.

-Right.

-But wouldn’t it be cool if they did? Or, like, Moses, or any other significant American figure.

-Wait, so the dinosaurs stop off at different places in time?

-I don’t see why not. I mean it’s a long way... I mean imagine if like, the South won the Civil War -with dinosaurs. Like an army of dinosaurs tearing into the White House and, like, biting Lincoln in half.

-That would be horrible.

-Or like World War II -with dinosaurs. Nazisaurs. Commiesaurs. Bit-In-Half-Lincoln Brigade-a-saurs.

-So dinosaurs would be everywhere.

-Basically. American History becomes Dino-land U.S.A. History and a hell of a lot more interesting. And they’ve always been there. So like a lot of people worry, like, “What if the dinosaurs get out?” and we’re like saying, if our initiative is successful, you won’t even ask that question.

-Are they many of you?

-There could be. There could be millions: time machine, you follow me?

-Are you threatening me?

-I’m saying, there are going to be a lot of signatures and dinosaurs and you’re either for or against us. You sign this now, we never have this conversation and maybe you’re like a rich dinosaur rancher or a famous dino-hunter with a cool scar and a sexy savage cave-girl girlfriend. Or maybe you don’t sign...

-And?

-Well, let’s face it, if we bring back the dinosaurs and the Confederacy and Hitler a lot of people are going to die. I don’t have any illusions about that. Neither should you.

-Can I think about it?

-You don’t have a lot of time to decide, in a sense, I mean that’s the thing about time travel. One minute you’re here talking to me, next thing you’re naked in a Colosseum running away from a triceratops. It’s not a pretty picture and there’s nothing I can do about it.

-Can I take this thing home and read about it?

-You’re not gonna sign it.



3. The term 'instant-runoff voting' is used because this process resembles a series of run-off elections.


-Thanks for taking the time to sign and fill out this petition.

-It's a good cause.

-Great, so we have your phone number -so if there’s any problem with your form, I could like call you.

-Is there a problem with the petition I signed?

-Oh, no, no. I’m just saying if there was, we could like, meet, like over coffee or something, and like talk about it.

-Talk about...

-You know, the form, instant runoff voting, you... movies, you like movies?

-I guess...

-Do you live far from here? My feet are killing me...

-I’m going to work, actually

-Or a shower, I mean I’ve been standing the rain with this petition and I could really use hot shower...

-Actually, I’m going to the gym first...

-You see, I knew that, I knew you worked out. I mean you look great. I’ve so been really wanting to go lately. But I've been so busy. With things I've been doing.

-Well can you do that? I mean don’t they need you?

-Oh hell no, I mean like it’s a totally lost cause, I mean I’ve got this thing for losers, you know?

-Well, okay. I’m over here...

-Yeah great, let me just find a place to throw these away...



TURN #87: WEEK 73; WORDS: 81,558
NEXT BY 15 NOVEMBER 2006

Your New Gravedigger: A Checklist

Drinks (check all that apply)
[ ] Schnapps, Whiskey or other easily sippable and concealable
heartwarming cordial
[ ] Before working
[ ] While working
[ ] Constantly

Smokes
[ ] Top
[ ] Bugle
[ ] Kite
[ ] Things found on ground

Humming (at least two)
[ ] Tuneless
[ ] Vague
[ ] Eerie
[ ] No Top 40
[ ] Droning in and out
[ ] About time, women, or luck, but something that is lost

Hands (check all that apply)
[ ] Gnarled
[ ] Knobby
[ ] Gnarly
[ ] Calloused
[ ] Scratched
[ ] Chapped
[ ] Chaffed
[ ] Dirty
[ ] Bleeding
[ ] Holding Shovel

Ass
[ ] Cold
[ ] Frozen
[ ] Gelid
[ ] Blue
[ ] Surprisingly attractive

Humor
[ ] "morbid" sense of humor
[ ] "morbid" sense of "humor"
[ ] "morbid" "sense of" "humor"
[ ] De'th's no laughin' matter, laddie

Chatter
[ ] Pithy
[ ] Bitchy
[ ] Weather Related
[ ] Scriptual
[ ] Moody Blues Lyrics
[ ] Portentous
[ ] Omenous
[ ] Foreboding
[ ] Talks to dog, owl or shovel
[ ] Salty
[ ] Vengeful
[ ] Hard to follow

Calls dog
[ ] Rufus
[ ] Ol' Spooner
[ ] Beelzebub
[ ] Mother

Character (one or more)
[ ] Bad
[ ] Queere
[ ] Stotic
[ ] Indifferent
[ ] Dry
[ ] Shot
[ ] Morbid
[ ] Moribund
[ ] Clownish
[ ] Diabolical
[ ] All Nerves
[ ] No Nerves
[ ] Salt of the Earth
[ ] Hope to Return to School
[ ] Hope to Avoid Jail
[ ] Sleeping

Wakes Up
[ ] muttering
[ ] screaming
[ ] swinging
[ ] drinking

Taste in Pornography (one or more)
[ ] Empty Juggs Magazine
[ ] Apparently Legal
[ ] More Woman Than Women
[ ] Civil War Historian
[ ] Doll Collector Monthly

Stew
[ ] Irish
[ ] Own juices
[ ] In same thermos as bourbon

Experiences:

Education Level

Schooled by

[ ] Ma
[ ] Pa
[ ] Brother/Sister, later identied as actual parent
[ ] The Streets
[ ] The Road
[ ] The Evil That Men Do


Degree Attained

[ ] Some reform school, released
[ ] Some reform school, burned down
[ ] Merchant Marine, jumped ship
[ ] Some college, neglected to write thesis


War
[ ] Foriegn
[ ] Civil
[ ] Own Personal

Shot a Man in Reno
[ ] To watch him die
[ ] So wife or sweetheart of man could watch man die
[ ] Because needed shooting
[ ] Accidentally
[ ] "Accidentally"
[ ] Felt bad for shooting man's wife

Has dug
[ ] Pet's grave
[ ] Some graves
[ ] Many a grave
[ ] Best friend's grave
[ ] Own grave
[ ] Your grave


Hopes
[ ] None
[ ] To dig more graves
[ ] y'don't mind the mud none
[ ] To get out of the rain


Happy Hallowe'en

TURN #86: WEEK 72; WORDS: 80,0385
NEXT BY 8 NOVEMBER 2006

Getting in Shape for Halloween II

People think of the whole Goth thing as passive, which is true, but it’s not just passive: it’s passive aggressive.

That’s where the Halloween workout comes in.

To review: most exercise equipment is black anyway. Get yourself a black Nalgene, scent it with lavender and ashes.

Cinema gives us many fine examples of the appropriate workout:











Ideally you strip down in the moonlight. If there’s no moonlight, you can light some candles.

You workout alone.

Write:
THROUGH ME IS THE CITY OF PAIN
THROUGH ME IS THE ETERNAL SORROW
THROUGH ME THE WAY AMONG THE LOST

Across your workout mirror. Realize that you are the gate through which you must pass and the hinge upon which it turns. Advanced students may wish to smash the mirror.

A workout is about transformation. This is where you realize you are the Dragon. You are beautiful. You are a great becoming. You cannot be hurt by bullets.

Finally, play “Bela Lugosi is Dead”.



It is actually the perfect workout song. Forget about “Jump” or “Rock You Like A Hurricane.” This song is really long. By the end of it, it’s like you’re endlessly rowing to some distant ghostly shore where you finally arrive all pumped and covered with a cold, cold dewy sweat.

Most importantly. Listen to the Count. The Count will make you strong.


TURN #85: WEEK 71; WORDS: 79,9906
NEXT BY 1 NOVEMBER 2006

Life Among the Mannequins

Unable and powerless to circumvent my miseries, daunted, discouraged and unable to face reality, I felt myself to be unworthy of human company and so took to exile. I had no skills and no achievements. Of abilities, I had only my habits, which was to stand around all day doing nothing, this and that I was in fairly good physical shape. These being my sole attributes, I resigned myself to cross over to the other side of humanity’s double, on the opposite side of the glass, to a land where everything is cool and clear, perfect and pleasing to the eye: I went to live among the mannequins.

Life among the mannequins is ever fashionable. We live in your future: sweaters stretch across our perfect bosoms while you still swelter, and our matchless bellybuttons pucker above brave swimsuits while you shiver.

We are a sensibly evolved race, only those who need heads and arms have them. But each is a perfect exemplar of what it is. None of us have eyes, but, being perfect, like numbers, we have nothing to see, nothing to admire and nothing of which to be jealous. We are gracious in accepting your gazes. We are your royalty: you dress us in your finest, you carry us, you display us to represent you.

Sexless and perfect, immune to decay and age, born fully formed, we are more like angels than men. Indeed, in the story of creation told by mannequins, God, who like us, is perfect and immortal, made us in his own image, but first, wanting to get his creation right, experimented with clay studies and figures. After many, many trials, he was at last ready and created us, the mannequins and was pleased. Then he realized he had many, many leftover clay figures. Loving all his creations, however unequal, he decided to keep them, only to discover that the unfired clay was prone to rot and lose shape over time. The mud was getting everywhere. He thought that the clay figures might last longer if they were kept somewhere moist with lots of mud to fix them with: so he placed his flawed creations near the mud hole he had scooped out. This was your Garden of Eden. Despite all the moisture and the mud, the poor things kept falling apart, so perhaps he gave you procreation. In any case, so the story goes, he gave us to you, so that you might have something to look up to and to know what to wear.

Perfect in proportion and lack of detail, we are your ideals, your greatest of impossible hopes for yourself: in what sense can it not be said that we created you?

TURN #84: WEEK 70; WORDS: 79,648
NEXT BY 25 OCTOBER 2006