“I would like to especially thank my ski instructor. I do not think that this film could have been completed without skiing and I appreciate that. Also, if this is not the wrong moment, I’d like to share a special little moment -because Hollywood is small town -and let you on on a little secret that my ski instructor and riding trainer are seeing each other. Yes -what? Oh. I guess this is the wrong moment. Stan’s married? To like a woman? Jesus Christ. Well shame on you, Stan. Well, fuck you, I’m not cheating on my wife. Yeah, right. Why don’t you just come down here and show us how straight you are mano e mano. You know what I’m talking about.”
“This film is about the Earth. All of it. Not just the parts we usually like to talk about, but also the vents and the crevasses, the cirques and the sheaves. We wanted to make a film that everyone could enjoy, but especially people who have never lived or seen the Earth. Our picture is a celebration of the Earth and that is why there are so many shots of it. If we could the Earth would be here, making this introduction and that really sounds like not such a bad idea. This is a film for and by Earth people, made with things from -the Earth. We respect the Earth in our movie, we love and honor it. We are especially sorry about the various species that became extinct during the filming of our movie, not the least of which that one species we ourselves exterminated. But this film is an eternal testament to them, because we filmed it. Also, the biosphere, in general, looks damaged. We wanted to call attention to the hole in the ozone. The hole in the ozone didn’t look big enough. We made it a little bigger. True, we could have just faked it with computers and stuff, but computers are expensive and we were driving anyway. But everyone does that, everyone does that every goddamn day.”
“I mean today, there are wars and stuff and I’m sure that all of you are shocked and horrified at that thing that happened. I mean that’s just wrong, right? And sure I made mistakes. I failed to inform the right people, or I told them what I thought was the truth but was merely a sort of placeholder for facts I did not have in my possession. Money was spent. Meals were eaten. But I did things I had never done before and can I tell you how that must feel? One way of looking at all this is I was in a restaurant and someone was asking me, Van, must there be ants?
Yes, dammit, there have to be ants, there have to be ants because when you’ve buried someone up to their neck in the desert and smeared honey on their face, the rabbits don’t come and lick it off. Goddammit, there have to be ants! There are things that rats and cockroaches won’t even bother with -they’re not detail oriented -and whose gonna take care of all the dead rats and cockroaches and there are a lot of those. There have to be fucking ants everywhere! Under your fucking skin if possible! Eating your baby’s eyelids! If not the grasshoppers win! The ants are the only ones doing any fucking work!”
“So finally, in conclusion tonight, what I really want to say is that: I love you. Not all of you, though you are all lovely in your way, but YOU. You. Don’t be afraid or ashamed. This is what movies are all about. This is what making this movie taught me, that you and I are meant to be together and if that’s shocking -well, that’s just the story of our age. It’s scandalous, I know, but your mother, Mrs. Morton talks about you all the time and we know you’ve got a beautiful bright future ahead of you. And what, you’ve got this boyfriend in the ROTC or whatever, but Jesus Christ has he ever made a movie? A fucking movie? Or, what is he some sort of scientist, has he made a disease, or a pill or an artificial heart that plays “Total Eclipse of the Heart”? Because I have. People are asking me what this movie is about and the truth is, its about love, its about you. We kissed, don’t be ashamed, why is this microphone
12 years ago
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