People think of the whole Goth thing as passive, which is true, but it’s not just passive: it’s passive aggressive.
That’s where the Halloween workout comes in.
To review: most exercise equipment is black anyway. Get yourself a black Nalgene, scent it with lavender and ashes.
Cinema gives us many fine examples of the appropriate workout:
Ideally you strip down in the moonlight. If there’s no moonlight, you can light some candles.
You workout alone.
THROUGH ME IS THE CITY OF PAIN
THROUGH ME IS THE ETERNAL SORROW
THROUGH ME THE WAY AMONG THE LOST
Across your workout mirror. Realize that you are the gate through which you must pass and the hinge upon which it turns. Advanced students may wish to smash the mirror.
A workout is about transformation. This is where you realize you are the Dragon. You are beautiful. You are a great becoming. You cannot be hurt by bullets.
Finally, play “Bela Lugosi is Dead”.
It is actually the perfect workout song. Forget about “Jump” or “Rock You Like A Hurricane.” This song is really long. By the end of it, it’s like you’re endlessly rowing to some distant ghostly shore where you finally arrive all pumped and covered with a cold, cold dewy sweat.
Most importantly. Listen to the Count. The Count will make you strong.
TURN #85: WEEK 71; WORDS: 79,9906
NEXT BY 1 NOVEMBER 2006
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