On The Ultimate Pleasure

People ask me how I do it. I tell them it’s because I care. That it’s not me, but themselves. I tell them it is a matter of a simple diet of oats and barley, reading Marcus Aurelius and regular exercise. At most, I tell them that it is a matter of training one’s pubococcygeus muscle, until one’s sexual response is as under one’s voluntary control as a sly wink.

All this is true, but I must hide the greater truth for the initiate. Love is universal, which is to say that it is wholly empty. The universe, of which it is composed, is equally empty. As we grow toward enlightenment, love is a painful illusion that must be destroyed to make room for the practice and discipline of sexuality.

In these intimate acts I seek to destroy all intimacy and am no one. This is my general project and the project of this civilization as a whole.

This is what the Master taught me, but could not teach me, so long as I lived as a human being.

So this is my message, that I have wrapped in these blankets. I have sent them to the mountains with my ashes, for if returned, they would return as fire to the valley.

Among the Quadi at the Granua.




If you should wish to experience the ultimate pleasure and share it with your partner, know this: the ultimate pleasure comes with ultimate risk and is for those who would overcome themselves entirely.



There are 44 paths to the Ultimate Pleasure.



This is one path:

Our sexuality is reflected in how we talk, how we eat, how we defecate -in short, our whole being. Our being is caught up with time. Time is most simply: regularity and the possibility of regularity: in short, rhythm.

Sex is a matter of this rhythm.

Rhythm has it’s most human expression in music. Therefore, if you would perfect the act of love, study music, motion and dancing.

Further, you must practice music. Once you have, achieved some mastery of both lovemaking and music, independently, if you would have the ultimate pleasure for yourself and your partners, you may begin to combine the two.

Begin by gently singing to your partner during the act of love something simple and regular, like:

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon
You come and go
You come and go
Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dream
Red, gold and green
Red, gold and green

If you do not know the words, do not make them up, as this will confuse and distract both of you. If there are many present, this could easily lead to an argument. And do not mispronounce “chameleon.”


You may begin with recorded music, but ultimately best of all is the music you make yourself during the act of love, particularly if you are some sort of one man band.



As women love musicians and men love women who think they are talented, so it is natural that one try to accent the moment of love with one’s own creations. If they ask you: What the hell are you doing? Simply reply: I’m blowing on my jug, baby.” You will then generally be free to go on an extended solo serenade while the other person gets dressed.


Air guitar during sex is a whole genre of action and deserves a separate address.



Another similar path is to approach the bedroom as one would approach a sporting event, to be highly and loudly spirited and bring and consume a lot of the same things, particularly the air horn.



From another master: call and response: “Take me to the bridge, baby. Take me to the bridge. Ow! Good God! I gotta kiss myself!”



Approach the body of your beloved as a sculptor approaches his sculpture: a little drunk and stoned with four years of useless education wearing a welder’s mask.



Speak to your lover as though they were a lost child in a department store and you a big policeman helping that child; but act as though that policeman has a lot of dark, serious problems and should be taken off the force immediately.



Do not dress as a pirate. At this point, everyone has made love to a pirate. Usually, it has not been so good.



The essence of sexuality is mystery and imagination. Preface the act with some sort of brainteaser. If you are both proficient, you may both reach the answer simultaneously. Be mindful to choose a question that is stimulating, but not distracting. Avoid such questions as: “What is the rotation of my ceiling fan in hertz” ‘What did I have for lunch?” and “What do you suppose this rash is?”



Lube the bear.



Inexperienced people, young people, may not know what to say during the act of love. Encourage them by suddenly calling out what you think they should say:

“Oh baby, so good. You do it so good. [Your Name] is the best ever. Lick my face like a puppy again. This is incredible. I wish my mother was here.”

Don’t fear the reaper. Similarly, don’t pay the ferryman until he takes you the other side.



Dedicate at least five years to the study of the Erotic Chess Story



To stir up a man to the contempt of death this among other things, is of good power and efficacy, that even they who esteemed pleasure to be happiness, and pain misery, did nevertheless many of them contemn death as much as any. And can death be terrible to him, to whom that only seems good, which in the ordinary course of nature is seasonable? to him, to whom, where his actions be many or few, so they be all good, is all one; and who where he behold the things of the world being always the same either for many years, or for few years only, is altogether indifferent? O man! as a citizen you have lived, and conversed in this great city the world. Where just for so many years, or no, what is it unto you? You have lived (you may be sure) as long as the laws and orders of the city required; which may be the common comfort of all. Why then should it be grievous unto you, if (not a tyrant, nor an unjust judge, but) the same nature that brought you in, does now send you out of the world? As if the praetor should fairly dismiss him from the stage, whom he had taken in to act a while. Oh, but the play is not yet at an end, there are but three acts yet acted of it? You have well said: for in matter of life, three acts is the whole play. Now to set a certain time to every man's acting, belongs unto him only, who as first he was of thy composition, so is now the cause of thy dissolution. As for thyself; you have to do with neither. Go thy ways then well pleased and contented: for so is He that dismiss you.



from fragments signed: "from THE MASTER OF SEX"


TURN #101: WEEK 87; WORDS: 100,730; NEXT BY 21 FEBRUARY 2007